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Jan. 24th, 2007

I am so fucking stressed. I can't think straight, I hardly pay attention and I find myself doing the same old routine over and over. Right now, I see life all grey. And no one notices. I have to deal with stuff right now, I've been distracted lately. Everything around me is changing and I just feel damn right uncomfortable. I need help, I need extra time away to think things. My mind died on me.


ughh...i was misleaded! supposedly. i wrote it down on a piece of paper..with a sharpie. cuz sharpies are cool. any ways here.

" that asshole. fuck he thinks he can lead me on by smiling and staring at me. making me think, he likes me and shit. when i didnt like him like that. and over the break, hes lfet me thinking bout him and i even devoloped a crush on him! now, after the break its changed. he wont do those things anymore. yea it was kinda annoying and awkward, but i felt loved. i was really starting to think he was the one, you know. i really thought i was gonna get a f this year. i guess, i was wrong. maybe, i got the wrong message, maybe he was smiling at someone near me? maybe it was carolin, erika, jessica? no wait...but what about first period? this is all screwed up...my feelings are fucked up right now. im fucked up right now. i...i dont know. i guess i thought i was his girl and he was my prince. i still love him, even if i barely know him. i love him, even if he doesnt love me. thats how a crush goes no? you get CRUSHED, right? uggh...i need help. fuck him..."

i wrote this cuz i was confused...ok...

I'm Slow, These Days

Yes, I am. I'm slow. I admit. But I've never been this slow! I feel so dumb, am I that blind to it? Probably...

Well...one day, I lay there in my bed. I thought about school and all the things that happen. My friends, my classes, people. But, then I thought back to this one person, this guy. Whom, I have at least 2 classes with. Well, in health those last weeks, before the break, he'd been staring an awfully lot to where I sit. He sits at the other side of the room, at a corner...and so do I. So, he'd been staring and smiling to where I am. I didn't know if he was smiling at me or Carolina. Well, he's friends with Carolina. But then both of them looked at me...so I give Carolina a 'huh?' and 'what?' look. So I'm thinking 'wtf??'. This continued a lot. Then, I noticed, he'd been staring at me, when my friend was sick and I was sitting next to Jessica, Jerry, Erika and Molly. That had me thinking...too much than what I normally do. I'm a paranoid person, of course it is a natural thing for me to wonder and worry.

I thought back to when I've encountered with him. The first time, it was in 1st period, art. I don't recall what we were doing, oh yeah, now I do. We were doing these prints and I was in line to wash mines off to proceed on making the next one. Well, there was this guy in front of me, he turns around to see me. I probably had an impatient look on my face, so he apologized. He's ok, kinda cute to admit it. But back to the story. So he says sorry and smiles at me, I gently smile back and say sorry. The other one is... Jesus, I forgot. Well I remember this one, um yea since he's friends with Carolina and her friend, he came over to our group when Ms. Puk assinged us something. He looked at me suspiciously, I ignored it. For, I was too busy goofing off and talking to Patty. Oh yea and this one time, Patty was to lazy to take the text books back and Jerry was busy taking other people's, I took our text books, and since he kinda sits next to the text books, he got up and did something. I give a skeptic look and say "Ok..." he laughs. and I take back my seat.

my fingers are starting to hurt. The point is, I think he's trying to ask me out, I left out a lot. But some of them are strong evidence he is. Nothings wrong with being asked out. I've been waiting for it since the beginning of the school year. It's just that's it surprising. Usually, it's me crushing on guys, not them crushing at me...well if he DOES ask me out. I have to think it out...ask my good ol' buddies =]he's Mexican, so am I. He's ok. I probably would go out with him, but...if he goes for Chivas (Mexican Soccer team) then NO. Hell no. No Chivas...ok maybe. Most of the guys in my school are chivas. From Chivaland (what I call Guadalajara and Jalisco) lol yes I'm weird. Been told.

Wait! But I over-heard this girl talking to the guy I think is really cute in health. She said "So...you like simple girls???" not important.

I'm just confused at what to do....oh well, no fret. I feel loved though ^_____^ <3

EDIT: I just realized, while reading this. That this was BORING!!! well was it???


hehehe i was bored

Just A Little Randomness And Insanity
Basic Gibberish
First Name?:Viridiana
Birthday?:feb 18 1992
Favorite Color?:green
Favorite Band?:don't lyk bands
Favorite Song?:i have a lot bitch
Favorite Website?:youtube or myspace
Favorite Kind Of Sock?:um...the small kind?
Favorite Kind Of Music?:hip hop, reggae or rap
Funniest?:evey 1
Clumsiest?:ME lol ...um..selam
Better Than Crack?:patty
The Insanity Continues
Do you have a stalker?:i did last year. that fucker
If so, who?:brian
Do you stalk someone?:no
If so, who?:no 1
What comes to mind when you hear the word "cookies"?:mmm...me eating yummy cookies
Have you ever scrapbooked with someone?:yea
When thinking of camp, what phrase comes to mind?:campfire
Word Associations
Closet Buddies:best friends eva
Hot or Cute?:hot
Pepsi or Coke?:pepsi
Vault or Red Bull?:red bull
Dark Hair Or Light?:dark
Skinny or Muscular?:muscular
Chocolate or Vanilla?:chocolate
The Last Stretch Of Randomness
Do you wanna be a stripper?:no
Do you have a hot gay friend?:no
Do you have a crush on a fictional character?:maybe
Tomato: Fruit or Veggie?:fruit
What are you listening to right now?:the tv lol
Do you have an awesome Canadian friend named Patrick?:no but i have a friend named patrick. :D
Take this survey | Find more surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

My Personality Dissorder

Paranoid Personality Disorder:High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:Moderate
Dependent Personality Disorder:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Low

-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Info --

Jesus, I didn't know that my dissorder was me being paranoid. Well, I know that I'm suspicious but gawd That MUCH. Holy crap. Well now I know something that's wrong with me.

Oct. 16th, 2006

how long has it been since I've posted? Not that long...I saw 'him' again at Gaby's party, avoided him, didn't care much for him. I haven't, and for no one since that guest teacher came in to talk to us in Health. His theories changed mine...by a little.

Is it just me or is Blake avoiding me? He doesn't avoid Danica, or Yvette, Nor Patricia, not Lee or Erika or Myriam. So why is it just me? What the fuck did I do to him? Or does he just think he's just to cool now. All those people he hangs around in the morning were MY friends FIRST, it was me and Yvette who introduced him to them. And now they prefer him to me? Like in the morning, I was going to talk to Patricia, but she started walking ahead of me and I'm like "WTF?" and then I find out she was trying to catch up to Blake. Ok, back up. I'm her friend too! What's so special about him? And then he's hanging around Yvette more, Yeah I'm jealous. :P so sue me, I get easily jealous of people. I could tell lots of stories of me being jealous and shit. And, just consider this: If anyone EVER betrays me, they get payback, and family counts too. You don't want to do that, Oh trust me. I'm not the kindest person in the world if that's what everyone's thinking. Thinking that you can easily ignore me like that. Psh, yeah right. I'm the evilest when it comes to manipulation, cunning, ambitious and revenge.

-Friends list-

patricia l.
patricia m.

I'm forgetting someone. I know that

-last years-

selam, gloria, ashley, elley, sierra, katie, kristi, stephanie, emily, ...I forgot.
@_@ what a week... um... nothing really happened. Oh you know something? My grandpa came! yay! Other than that, and me sharing my room with my bro's... do you know Felipe Calderon? Mexico's new president? Well, did you know that MY grandpa know's Felipe Calderon's grandpa? THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL! My family has ties to important people. yAY! Also, My uncle works with Luis Miguel, the famous Mexican singer, which is cool too, cause we get free tickets in the front row =3 and my cousin's are related to captain of the Monarcas Soccer team, number 27 _______ Trujilo. wow, my family well, dad's side of the family has ties to famous people. I feel special....=]

Sep. 26th, 2006

This hasn't been my perfect month this year. The world around me is starting to fade, for sometime I have made some type of border around my mind, so nothing would affect me what so ever. But reality destroyed it. I've been in such foul mood's lately, not only that but some gang members in my school started shooting one of the school buses, luckily no one got hurt. And today, during Orchestra this girl had a seizure. To me, I've never witnessed a seizure, I mean I've heard of them but I didn't know what they were... that is until now. She didn't die, she had a "minor" seizure. But it was scary though, during that when the nurse came, we were all sent outside in front of the school were the marching band was at. I just stood there next to my friend, I really didn't know that girl but my friend did. So she must have been devastated or worried, I really couldn't read her expression. I feel bad for her, she had two friends who died of that. I gave up, so I went and sat next to my other friends Blake, Patricia and Ivette on the stairs. All of this just had some impact on me. Life is short, it's not everlasting and I know that, we as human's are fragile beings. Even the slightest mistake could cost a man his life. I once thought as a child that we all lived forever and that life was like fantasy. I've gone through things in life, that I'd rather not discuss but even though, I still try to put a smile on my face, because I believe that good things can come your way. I just hope for the best this year and the next ones. I know I'm praying wisely tonight.

Sep. 22nd, 2006

Urrggghhh! Is it even possible for a person to be so fucking pissed off so often? Because that's how I feel today, again. Ggggggrrr! I feel like killing someone right now. >.< And to think school was going great until I got home. But as they say, nothing good last forever.

Like I said school was great and all I was in such a happy mood and not tired at all, hell I didn't even sleep in one class today and that was like a miracle. But then the evil bitch had to ruin it. My mom. I get dropped off at my bus stop and I find my mom waiting there in the car for me, so then she tells me "Let's go to the grocery store" I said no, and I got mad. I just got off the phone with her, I hang up on her before she could finish. Right, so then I was forced to go to the store with her and then she didn't find what she was looking for so she's like "Let's go" so I'm like bitch, if you weren't going to buy shit than I could have been home right now So I get home, go up the stairs to my room and find that everything is upside down because she was cleaning it so then she starts getting angry at me, so being me getting easily pissed off I start yelling at her.... and well you see where this goes. Psh, she's the one who started this, so why should I go off and apologize to her like I always do, huh? I shouldn't but my stupid conscious won't let me do that. Fuck, I'm so screwed up.

She knows I get pissed off easily. And she does too, but that's not all. My grandma called me a "fat disgusting pig" I rolled my eyes, if it wasn't for that stupid lecture my uncle gave me about dis-respecting my grandma then I would have told her off. I'm not fat, I'm where I'm suppose to be, plus I'm not disgusting but she sure is....Don't mess with me right now, I'm serious.

Ugh, I'm so fucking pissed again!

I barely got home why? Cause some idiot in the bus made a big scene. (sigh) So here it goes, I was in the bus, minding my own business, and out of nowhere this black guy in the back starts cursing. So the lady hears it, so she pulls us over and she asked who he was yelling too, and he says to no one. So the lady turns us back to the school! Oh hell no! So then I get mad, we get to the school and she goes out to call the dean, so then she comes back with the dean and she calls the black guy and the mexican (I'm Mexican too) guy (racist bitch) outside, and so then people start calling there parents so, I tell the girl next to me if I can call my dad. Sadly, I don't have a cellphone, yet. So then I tell my mom and she said my dad will be there soon, so I get off the bus. And stupid me, as soon as I got off, the bus left, so I go to the shade and wait for my dad. So then he comes, and I check the mirror and my right arm got darker. Stupid sun, and now I'm so fucking pissed cause I got home late. That was fucking bullshit. Jesus...

what else could go possibly wrong? Oh and I fucking woke up late this morning at 5:55 am, and my damn legs hurt like hell cause of running a mile in P.E. yesterday. Things can't get any worse than that..

they better not



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